Relax
by keri andru
Summary: Megas XLR fic. summary inside


Summary: Kiva is more stressed out than usual… and who else than Jamie should know how to ease some tension -P Don't worry it's not porn.

Disclaimer: I made it up.

One ordinary day for the city of New Jersey. People didn't even pay attention to the giant blue bot kicking some alien ass. Everything seemed normal. Seemed, but wasn't. Things were getting really ugly inside the car on top of the infamous mech.

"Coop, I can't believe you almost lost!" from the sound of it, Kiva was pretty close to a complete nervous breakdown.

"Yeah, ALMOST being the key word. But I won, as usual." Coop offered her his typically calm/cocky answer.

"You won this time, but your driving skills are getting worse with every fight! What's wrong with you! Did you just suddenly become a cripple or something?"

Coop was just staring at her. He was pretty much used to being insulted by the glorft or other space villains, but hearing someone who he's always considered his friend say stuff like that really did hurt. But Coop, being a good guy, didn't say a word to her.

Jamie, on the other hand, was never one to stay quiet.

"You know, Kiva, we have this really popular phrase here in 21st century: Shut the fuck up!"

Kiva ignored him and kept on bitching.

"Coop, when will you finally stop being so stupid! You just keep on doing the same fucking mistakes in just about every fight! What about all that time I spent training you, or TRYING to train you, huh? Answer me, was it even worth it Coop?"

"Kiva…I-" he sure didn't know what to say after an outburst like that.

"Yeah!"

"Nothing, I'll just… drive home, okay?"

"That would be about the first good thing you'd do today. Unless you fuck that up too, of course."

After a VERY long ride home, Kiva stormed off into somewhere in Coop's house while the boys stayed in garage.

"Dude, what's wrong with her?" asked Coop, still kinda hurt by her words

"Dunno. But she sure pissed me off. I'd beat her up, cause no one treats my best friend like that-"

"Aww that's nice Jamie, but I don't think you'd-"

"You didn't let me finish dude. I was gonna say that I'd beat her up, but I never hit girls."

"Yeah right." Coop chuckled. But then he said, serious again:

"I hope she'll act normal again tomorrow. Maybe it's just, y'know, some temporary female thing, like PMS or something."

"Yeah, or maybe she just needs to get laid."

That made Coop laugh, cause it was such a typical Jamie thing to say.

"But anyway, I think I'm gonna make sure she'll be cool tomorrow." said Jamie

"What you're gonna do?"

"Dunno yet, but I've got some ideas."

"Right, just try not to piss her off even more, kay? I'll go buy some food now, and when I come back I'd like to find you both alive."

"No worries"

And with that Coop left the house. Jamie went to look for Kiva and found her in the living room. She was watching the news - one of the very few 21st century habits she had accepted. Jamie just sat down next to her like nothing had happened. She rolled her eyes and asked, annoyed:

"What now?"

"Not much. Coop says he's sorry." that sparked Kiva's interest and her facial expression softened a bit.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Jamie just shrugged, as if Coop apologizing was the most common thing ever. Then he reached into a pocket of his jacket and pulled out some cigarette papers, filters, lighter and a plastic bag filled with some tobacco-looking stuff, only green. With all the supplies ready, he started rolling the joint. Kiva turned her attention back to CNN and paid no attention to Jamie's actions until she was interrupted again.

"Hey Red, wanna smoke with me?" asked Jamie, holding up a cigarette.

"No. Nicotine is an addictive and dangerous drug." Jamie laughed

"There's no nicotine in this one, silly!"

"No? Well, I still don't wanna smoke with you."

Jamie did one of his "whatever" faces and laid the joint on the table, right where Kiva could perfectly see it and then he left the room. While he was gone, curiosity got the best of Kiva. She carefully picked the joint up and smelled it. She didn't recognize the smell, because in the future people and especially soldiers never abused any kinds of drugs. She kind of liked the smell though… but before she had the time to decide if she was gonna try it or not, Jamie came back into the room…with some fresh-baked cookies that smelled really nice.

"If you don't wanna smoke with me, at least have a cookie. You're too skinny anyway." he said.

"You're the one to talk about skinniness." she replied just out of habit, but reached for one cookie anyway.

"So, what did Coop say other than that he's sorry?" she asked

"Well, he was talking about how he's trying to do his best but sometimes it just isn't enough…" as Jamie was telling her this made up confession, he was intently watching as she started eating the cookie. "…and then he said that he really appreciates what you do for him, like, y'know, teach him stuff about fighting, and how he's sorry that he disappointed you."

She sighed "I didn't mean to be so hard on him, but it's just, you know, things are really stressful lately…"

"Yeah, I see what you mean."

Even though Jamie was usually acting kinda bratty, he occasionally let his sensitive side show and in these moments he was the perfect person to talk to. Or at least he could fake it really really well like for example right now ;) So that's how it happened that Kiva started pouring her lil' heart out. And when she wasn't talking, but listening to Jamie's replies, she was eating the cookies.

When she was eating like fifth or sixth one, she asked: "What's in these, they're really good!" That made Jamie smile mischievously.

"Oh, it's a secret."

And for some reason, Kiva found this answer extremely funny. Well, not really, but she started laughing like an idiot anyway.

"Here we go!" thought Jamie and aloud he suggested: "Wanna watch some cartoons?"

Kiva agreed so they switched the TV from CNN to some children channel where was Tom and Jerry. And Kiva seemed to really enjoy it, since she was bursting into a new fit of laughter every 5 seconds. Jamie was watching her, amused, and then he decided that he might as well get stoned too so he lit up the joint he had rolled earlier. And ended up sharing it with Kiva. So after about five minutes they were both laughing at simply everything.

"Oh my god, Jamie! My senses don't work properly! And I can't feel my hands!"

That only made Jamie laugh harder "I know! Isn't it great!"

Kiva thought about it for a moment.. "Yeah! Yeah, it is! Let's play video games!"

So they abandoned cartoons and focused (or rather tried to focus and failed miserably) their attention on whatever game was in Coop's PlayStation. I guess I don't need to tell you that they weren't doing too good in the game, since Jamie wasn't even able to hold the controller properly and Kiva couldn't see thru the tears that were in her eyes from laughing so hard…

Just about then, Coop returned home. He heard some sounds coming from the living room, so he headed that way. He was surprised when he heard Kiva laugh and then shriek:

"God Jamie, what WAS in those cookies!" That made Coop smile (he even forgot about his and Kiva's unpleasant intermezzo from earlier). She prepared the perfect entry line for him! Before he even reached the living room, he shouted: "Cookies? COOKIES! You ate cookies without ME!" and with that, he walked into the room.

He was first greeted by Jamie, who was lying on the floor between couch and TV, controller still in his hand. "Oh hi Coop, how was grocery shopping?" That alerted Kiva, who stopped laughing for the first time in the last 20 minutes, looked at Coop with eyes that were almost the same color as her hair (A/N: You know how you have red eyes when you're stoned, right?) and said: "Groceries? Food! Gimme some food!" and with that she jumped of the couch, grabbed one of the bags Coop was holding and started digging thru it, looking for some junk food (well that wasn't such a hard task, since the food was what Coop had bought for himself). That kinda scared Coop, so he left her where she was and went to ask Jamie:

"Dude, what happened to her?"

"Nothing, she just got munchies…"

"Munchies? Wait, you…oh you didn't…how?" Coop was confused. Jamie just pointed to a table where were some leftover cookies with green "chocolate chips"

"Oh…" understood Coop "You got some more?"

"What, cookies or weed?" Coop smiled

"Preferably both."

"Oh you bet!"

About ten minutes later, Coop was just as stoned as his two friends. The three of them had never had so much fun before. So they decided that they might as well keep it that way. Since then, they were spending their lives in Coop's living room, surrounded by thick smoke, laughing like idiots and having fun. But there was also a downside to his seemingly ideal life- they completely forgot about Megas and their Save the world task!

That only lasted until the next Glorft attack. When the ugly squidheads saw that there was no Megas ready to kick their butt this time, they were at first confused, then happy and then they got suspicious. What if those apes actually came up with some kind of strategy today? While the mean villain Gorrath and his equally evil crew were thinking about all this stuff, THC-filled Coop and his equally stoned crew found out that they are out of weed! What a tragedy! So who do we send do get some more? That's right…

"Jamie!"

"What now Coop?" replied Jamie from where he was lying sprawled on the soft carpet.

"Go out and get us some more weed!"

"Huh?"

"We're out of weed. Go get us some!"

"Out of weed? OUT OF WEED! I'll go out and get us some!" and with that, he jumped up and headed to the door, then stopped, remembering that the door was the other way. After he was gone for about two minutes, Kiva asked:

"Hey where's Jamie?"

"He went out."

"Wha'? Out? Why?"

"To…umm, I forgot."

Right then, Jamie burst inside the house, screaming like he always does, receiving confused looks from his friends.

"The Glorft guys are here again! They're smashing the city."

Right then, Kiva's old personality came to live for a little while and Kiva commanded:

"Get into Megas, we have to fight!"

Coop and Jamie gave each other blank looks and then they simultaneously asked:

"Who's Megas?"

"That big blue robot in your garage."

"Oh! THAT one! Ok, let's go!"

So they got in their tricked-out weapon of mass destruction and went to fight the Glorft. Despite Coop's stoned state, he was still winning against the evil snot-green mechs. After he completely destroyed all of them, only Gorrath's mech remained in one piece, but it was positioned right under Megas' giant metal boot. Suddenly, Coop asked:

"So why do we fight these guys anyway?"

"Cause they're ugly?" Jamie offered his as usually intelligent explanation.

"Naw, you're ugly too and I don't fight you. Kiva?" Coop tried asking his once sophisticated friend from the future instead.

"We sure have a good reason, but… I don't remember, I guess they're evil?"

"Yeah, that might be it. But I was always told that violence never solves anything." Now how did THIS kind of philosophy get into Coop's blonde head, I have no idea…

"So what do you wanna do?" asked Kiva

Right after she finished her question, Coop switched on the screen on his dashboard to communicate with Gorrath.

"Hey, you weird ugly alien guy whose name I forgot, do you wanna smoke with us?"

Gorrath first gave Coop a complete WTF look, but then he realized that once he gets close to those apes, he can easily destroy them for good. So he got out of his mech and got in the car on top of Megas.

And now, can you guess what happened? Coop reached in his pocked and pulled out another joint (they weren't out of weed after all, Coop just wanted to nag Jamie to do something) and Gorrath got stoned with the guys. Since then the Glorft left the Earth alone and everybody lived happily ever after.

THE END

NOTE: I'm sorry if it was just a stupid, long and totally pointless story (and it probably was), but I just got my previously long hair cut into a mohawk so it's possible that my brain froze. Or maybe I've just always been stupid :P Anyway, please review, even if you hated it- I think I can handle that :)


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